Relate Before it’s too Late!

Relate Before it’s too Late! Relationships are everything and everything is a relationship. We have a relationship with the outside world and the inside world. A relationship with the past and the future. It’s a skill to have one with the present moment. We can have a relationship with the bully from grade school who is still controlling our social comfort or an ex who is controlling if we ever feel free to love again. Adult children can control parents with guilt and little children can be controlled by parents. We can have loving, fulfilling relationships that support us and encourage us. We can have friendships, kinship's, long term, short term or train wreck owie experiences. Relationships are a skills game and most of us are needing to learn more and everyone is practicing.

One of my YouTube viewers (see YouTube Rainbow Abegg) asked a relationship question and I’ve had others send in suggestions on what they want to learn so I’ll field some of those in this blog.

The 50 year old dictionary that belonged to my grandmother basically describes relationships as a way in which people are connected and have an effect or relevance to each other. It is a quality of being closely connected and having regard and how people behave toward each other.

Our relationships are about connection, relevance and regard which shows up in our behavior toward one another.

What is your value system? Do some self inquiry and discover what you really believe in relationships. How much do you value them? How close do you let people get to you? What are your standards? What works for you in your life and what do you dream about. What are you willing to give in a healthy manner and what is a deal breaker for you? Are you still nursing wounds in your own soul? Have you forgiven your past relationships? The primary relationship is with yourself so answer the questions above and get a foundation under yourself first. Be solid in yourself and then branch out to others.

We often turn to the family level next and either find support or dis-regulation within the extended family unit. Both have information you need and can help you find a balance that is healthy for yourself and areas where you may be struggling and need some outside advice and insight. Relationships come in layers and for them to be healthy you need participants that want to do the work to be healthy. A resistant person is not a person who is ready.

Another level of relationship is intimate ones. Romantic partnerships that help us discover the best in ourselves or sadly the worst. Everything is useful however for it will allow you to discover your areas where you are stuck and not truly honoring yourself. If you experience a loving relationship then you will learn different, wonderful lessons and it is usually a mix of the two.

Friendships can last a lifetime and they too must be willing to experience growth and change for none of us remain the same and if you are still telling the same story years later you may find your friends outgrow you. Stretching into your own potential is worth the work to maintain deep, lasting bonds. Give and receive. Expect a lot of yourself without over-giving and don’t take things personally when others can’t meet your needs. Friendship is an exchange.

Create a dream board (I’ll do this as a blog soon so journal it if you need instructions) on the following topics and see what you discover:

To feel vulnerable I need have _____________________________________________.

To bond in a healthy way I must receive__________________________________________.

To be secure in a relationship I must know________________________________________.

My deal makers are:______________________________________________________________.

My deal breakers are:_____________________________________________________________.

This is a start to deepening those relationship connections and creating lasting relevant bonds. I’ll break down each area and do future posts on the dynamics of different relationships and if you have questions just ask and I’ll be happy to answer. I love working with couples and groups to deepen understanding and help them to find meaningful, lasting relationships. You may reach me at rainbowabegg@gmail.com

Blessings,

Rainbow

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