See You Dancing in Heaven Mom

(My mother is in the pink on the bottom right of the photo.)

Mother’s day can be a strange holiday bringing loads of emotions. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes the ones from heaven. It really depends on you. What do you want to learn from the experience of being born from an imperfect person who had a history from life’s lessons long before you came along. She might have not been prepared to be a mother. She might not have been ready. She might have longed for a baby to hold and adored you and still made mistakes.

Mom and mistakes both start with M.

In vibrational medicine even letters and numbers have meaning and spiritual messages. I don’t think our Creator left anything undone. Everything here is meant to support us, even the letters in our names. M is linked with the number 4 which is said to be deeply spiritual, stable and helps to create a firm foundation for our lives. A healthy mother can do this. The negative side of the letter m is addictions and misdirections. It’s fractures and mistakes.

My mom was a drinker. Vodka mixed with different juices or soda pop. She started early and ended late. My foundation was built on domestic violence and was not stable and eventually my parents divorced. She made mistakes and I loved her anyway. I thought she was beautiful and when she didn’t have black eyes I loved looking into the depth of the blue pools and I could feel the sorrow in her soul. I wished to save her and make her world better. She made me who I am and drove me into the helping field.

Her example led me to reach for higher ground and get an education and build a life of service. I have fought the good fight and when she was dying I told her, “You are my Creator. I love you. Everyday I help others to discover their light within and I send love to the world so it is a better place inside of the souls of my clients as well as how they are able to move forward and become the blessing.” Her eyes filled with tears and she said it was the nicest thing anyone ever said to her. I reached inside past the pain of her failures and just loved her for what she could give. With tears in my own eyes I told her, “I am the manifestation of your love on earth. You created me and I am doing good with the life you gave me.”

She was a dancer. She loved being in local city plays. She sewed every single sequin on the bra she is wearing in this photo. I remember that. I remember she seemed larger than life on the stage and she seemed happy there. Being on stage was her heaven. Dancing was her freedom and a purpose that she found herself in. She died last April. She is now figuring out herself as she dances her way around heaven.

Did she let me down. No. She was just a woman finding her steps and listening for the beat of the music. I’m grateful I always treated her with kindness and never once disrespected her. I’m grateful for everything she didn’t give me as it gave me the grit to find it for myself. Happy Mother’s Day to every mother who has made mistakes with their children. Me included. Our flaws are part of the perfection. Someday, we will all dance in heaven.

Until that day, do the best you can and always reach for love.

We must keep growing in the dance of life or we just become patterns that dictate.

I send love to heal and bless you this day.

Rainbow Abegg